Rebecca Cohen and Jay Blackman, reporting for NBC News:

Listen up, flyers: United Airlines said it will start removing passengers from flights who refuse to wear headphones while listening to content on their personal devices, and such behavior could lead to a permanent ban.

The airline revised its contract of carriage on Feb. 27 to include the new provision, which sits under the “refusal of transport” section that outlines the instances in which United can boot its passengers from flights.

According to the document, United reserves the right to refuse transport — on a permanent basis — to any passenger who listens to their entertainment on speaker.

Huzzah. Can this now be applied to every airline, airport, restaurant, warehouse, henhouse, outhouse, and doghouse?

(I’ve often found myself yelling at these transgressors, Walter Mitty-style and with Jules Winfield rage, “headphones, motherfucker, have you heard of them?” In my lucid moments I contemplate carrying a large collection of headphones and wordlessly handing them out to these offenders.)