Brian Phillips, at The Ringer, brings us a story I never expected to be linking to the day after Thanksgiving, but better now than yesterday. It’s salacious and sickening in equal measure. Too juicy to ignore, and yet I wish I’d never learned of it:

There’s no way around it. If you read this article, you are going to have to imagine Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the United States secretary of health and human services, having an absolutely eyeball-melting orgasm. You’re going to have to imagine a sweaty, leathery man in his early 70s, the scion of the celebrated Kennedy political dynasty, bellowing like a Spartan as his body yields to the sweet, sweet release. Knees buckling. Sinews straining. What does it sound like when RFK Jr. bellows? I’ll go out on a limb and say it’s gritty. His normal speaking voice is basically a garbage disposal. When the big one hits, it must be like tossing a fork in.

[…]

But hang on. Do you have any idea what I’m talking about? Have you been following this scandal at all? My sense is that of the people reading this, half will have no idea who Olivia Nuzzi and Ryan Lizza are, while the other half—sickos and journalists, but I repeat myself—have been bingeing the story for months and keep all the details on murderboards in their brains.

If you’re just joining us, welcome. Let’s take a minute to get you up to speed.

I’m aware of this story primarily because Keith Olbermann, who dated Nuzzi when she was 19 and he was 50-something, gleefully shares regular, snarky updates on his Countdown podcast.